My grandpa died this week. I’m ok, but I’m sad. I don’t think I realized that as you get older, death actually becomes harder to accept. I knew he was old, I knew he didn’t have a ton of time left, but I still wasn’t prepared.
I wasn’t prepared to see my grandma’s heart breaking for her husband, the father of her children, the man she’s spent 60 years with, just suddenly being gone. His clothes laying on the armchair beside the bed like he just stepped out of the room, but he’ll never lay beside in that bed again.
I wasn’t prepared to see my uncles, who take out our trash and mow the yard, who we can all call on to fix anything, crying for their dad.
I wasn’t prepared to see my mom and aunt, the women who organize every family gathering, who know every cooking question and can somehow heal anything with a mere hug, needing our help to get through these last few days.
I wasn’t prepared for any of this, but I realize that we’ll get through it together.
I write so much on here about family and capturing these memories you’ll always be able to cherish. I realize more than ever right now that some of these photos of him are what will now replace him coming through the door. Instead of seeing him in the room, we’ll look at photos. Those photos will remind us of him, even the funny things he did or his little quarks. And they’ll make us feel a little bit closer to him than we can be right now.
My grandpa was a photographer. It’s something I sort of felt like he passed to me. He believed in capturing all the little moments. As he got older and surprisingly kept up with technology, he traded his film cameras with a point and shoot or phone that was always in front of his face. We all joked about him constantly taking pictures, sometimes when we hated it and sometimes when we didn’t even know it. But with his photos, he documented this beautiful family history for all of us, this family that he helped created.
He was proud of us and he loved us. Because of him we all know where we came from, and we know who we belong with too.
I can’t thank all of you guys for giving me the time I need to be with my family right now. To the clients that have been so incredibly patient and forgiving since this threw off my ever-so-organized schedule, you have no idea what it means to me and all of my family. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.